It appears my head is filling up rather fast with these thoughts and feelings as I’m back again already – or maybe it’s all the compliments on my writing skills. Maybe I’m back for an ego boost 😂

It’s these bloody mornings! I wake up so early when everyone else is still snoozing and my head is just FULL. All my dark thoughts come in the morning and then usually I write one of these and that starts my day off on a better foot. 

Yesterday was nice. I was visited by my friend in hospital for a morning coffee and catch up which felt somewhere near normal even if it was from a hospital cafe and our usual catch up consisted of brain tumour and cancer chat instead of when we’re next meeting for a drink and how crazy work has been for us both lately. I can’t wait to get back to those normal chats with you – you’ll know who you are when you read this. You’ve been the absolute realest friend since day 1 and I am so lucky to have you in my life. You’ve even re ordered me my favourite pair of sunnies that I threw on the floor in a rage when I got my initial bad news, just because you knew how much I loved them. Thats a real friend right there. We’ve been there for each other so much over the years and I just know you’ll be a lifeline through this for me ❤️ 

 The angels at Salford Royal let me go from the ward so fast after my coffee with Luke that I even missed that hot date with Oll for an M&S croissant! I chatted with the gorgeous ladies I’d shared my bay with on the B8 neuro ward and we all wished eachother well in our individual recoveries as I packed my bags. They had been so sweet during my admission. I had hidden firmly behind my curtains for the first 12 hours of my stay and when I opened them I was just greeted with the kindest faces, little waves and words of encouragement that I never closed them again! ‘Oh I’m so glad you’ve opened your curtains dear – we’re all in this together, I’m glad you’re feeling a bit brighter’. We discussed our individual diagnoses – some had already undergone the same surgery I am facing which brought me comfort as they talked me through it and told me how they were 98% tumour free now! Some were there with different, spinal issues and some I’m not sure why, but it didn’t matter, everyone was lovely and welcoming and we had our own little safe space in bay 3 where we would chat together, snooze together and request red wine with our meals – we never did get the wine, but it always got a giggle out of the staff which was nice as I’m sure they’d heard it one million times before and didn’t find it remotely funny anymore 😂 In fact,  after spending my first night in my own bed last night, I quite miss the trumping and snoring of those ladies – I do hope they all make full recoveries and get their red wine one day when we’re allowed to drink again! 

Leaving felt great – even if it’s only temporary for now, it’s a start and I will take it! But the care and compassion I received from the staff on that ward was honestly nothing short of incredible and they’ll be receiving a heartfelt thank you from me. I made sure I told them in person too as I left, because that ward was made of magic and made such a huge difference to the worst few days of my life. 

Being 10 mins from the Trafford centre came in handy on discharge and I said to Oll I’d love to just walk around there for a bit to bring me some normality. I didn’t think he’d let me as he has me on strict bed rest bless him – but I equally think now is a great time to get my own way too and it worked 😆 we had a stroll round the Trafford centre, we bought Chester some new wellies for his new adventure at nursery and we got some lunch that neither me or Oll could stomach.  I think me and Oll could have shared a kids meal to be honest which is NOT like us. Chester wolfed his down which brought me comfort – he has no idea what’s going on and that’s the way I want to keep it with both of them for now. Who knows what’s the right thing to do there, but this feels right to us as parents for now. I also made a YOLO purchase at the Trafford centre, there’s some perfume that I smell as I walk past every time I go there that I’ve wanted for ages and there’s never been a justification to spend that much money on something for myself until today when I thought STUFF IT. I bought one for me and one for Oll too because he deserves a treat – he’s been incredible even though he absolutely doesn’t realise it and keeps apologising for not staying strong for me 🤷🏻‍♀️ And who needs money anyway?! 🫠 (I need to chill with that now, whilst facing a prolonged stretch off work) 

We picked willow up from school when we got back and had a flurry of gorgeous visitors which was amazing – I even ended up with a freshly baked cake and LOADS of treats from such thoughtful family and friends whilst I lay on the sofa. I could get used to this. 

My brother picked up my medication from hospital and brought it all the way to my house for me ( a two hour round trip for him) I will continue on this stuff until Nev is removed – maybe for longer. I expected two different medications and was greeted by a bag of eight 😳 it was overwhelming and it reminded me I’m actually really not very well am I. I’m trying to keep a balance of being positive but also not too optimistic that I ignore Nev completely. It’s weird, I’m scared to be too positive and then potentially have a massive shock if they’re not able to remove as much tumour as we hope or if the biopsy shows the worst. But by the same token it’s just not really in me to be negative right now, and I don’t think I should dampen that feeling! 

Today held more normal things for me which was so nice – we started Chester at nursery this morning. He went in super happy. Made us so proud as always. We dropped willow off at school together too. Then I met my friend who has gained a new role as my chauffeur for the foreseeable. Lucky girl 😂. We went into town, had some breakfast and ran a few errands. I had an overwhelming urge to take a card and flowers into specsavers, to thank the optician who uncovered this whole thing – luckily she was free for a few mins so we had a chat, a cuddle and I thanked her for saving my life. I’m really glad I got to speak to her. Her picture is up on this blog – because I’ve gone up in this world now and I run a blog don’t you know. Look how bloody gorgeous she is. What a star ⭐️. I also went into work, had lots of cuddles from the girls and just absorbed more of their love which helps add fuel to my fire. The amount of love I feel radiating from work is incredible – the most special bunch of ladies in the world. I can’t wait to get back to busy days on the ward with you all! So a normal day so far. As normal as it’s been so far anyway – despite the cocktail of ten tablets I had for my breakfast but we will let that slide. 

To finish off the blog today, I wanted to encourage everybody to go for their regular optical assessments and to make sure you add on the OCT scan which looks at the overall health of the eyes. This is how I finally got to the bottom of my symptoms and got my diagnosis. My vision is perfect, but regular assessments remain essential for your health as you can see! If you work for the NHS, these eye tests are free through occupational health (the OCT scan is just £5 extra). If you don’t work for the NHS – please check with management to see if your work offer anything as most places do, especially if you work with screens! There are posters going up all over the hospital where I work as we speak! I want to completely inundate everywhere that provides eye tests over the next few weeks and make sure you ALL get your appointments booked in. Do it for me! Come on, you can’t deny me such a simple request at a time like this surely? 😆

Love Jen and Nev x 

A literal life saving optician princess ❤️