I haven’t got loads of words recently, but I guess that’s okay. Sometimes it will be like that. After all, this is all I seem to talk about now so it gets a bit depressing to say the least! And we’re still in limbo waiting for our neurology appointment on Tuesday to find out more so I’m at a bit of a stall. 

The main thing on my mind recently has been trying to keep my brain sharp. I’m worried about losing function or memory or any other part of myself during/after surgery. Not knowing the state of potential damage until I wake up from surgery is really scary. I’m coming round to the idea of having the craniotomy awake now for this reason – although that scares me in equal measures so I can’t exactly win 😂 My answer to keeping my brain sharp has been mainly just playing loads of Scrabble to make sure I can still spell and think – so if anyone fancies challenging me, download the app – I’ll be there at all hours of the day! Only thing is I’m rubbish, but I blame that on Nev. I can blame all my flaws on him now surely?! Lego with Willow has been good for my brain too over this past week and something we really enjoy doing together. So that makes me feel less guilty at the same time. The only thing with that is that I face a lengthy time off work and Lego is expensive – so catch me bankrupting myself on Lego sets forever more because another thing is that I am very YOLO these days! Lunch with friends? YES! Crazy golf with the kids? YES! Another Lego set? YES! Being blindsided by your health is strange – don’t sweat the small stuff, NONE of it matters in the end. (I still got cross at Willows room being a pig sty though, I’m still human after all). 

In other news, I lost a stone in a week! It was well needed but I wouldn’t recommend the brain tumour diet 🫠. Not having an appetite has been really odd for me – we all know how well I could eat. It was my favourite thing to do!  Not sure if it’s the tablets, the tumour, the anxiety or what it is, but I’m slowly feeling my appetite coming back which is nice. Especially when my family are cooking me such gorgeous things to eat – I’m stockpiling it all instead of eating it so I need to get cracking.

People have continued to be so kind and supportive to me over the past few days. I’ve had colleagues, friends and family here to distract me every single day as that’s the focus at the moment. Get through each day until we can fix this. Until we evict Nev. I’ve had my garden tidied by the girls from work which was a major highlight – it looks so much better and has taken a huge job off mine and Olls list. It also really made the babies smile too – Everytime they go into the garden they say how much nicer it looks and how much they can’t wait for the flowers to come through that have been planted. So it has brought them joy too which I’m just eternally grateful for. Midwives always are a special breed but I’ve noticed just how special recently. They’re honestly just all sprinkled with magic. I can’t wait to get back to work with them – I’m missing all the September chaos. It’s our busiest time of year after all the Christmas conception babies and I’m missing all the craziness of a busy ward and welcoming babies into the world! I’ll be back complaining about how busy it is in due time girls 😂 

Now to finish off the weekend with some family time and prepare ourselves for the big appointment on Tuesday afternoon which should give us a date and a lot more clarity on everything. Me and Oll are making it into date night when we’re done at hospital. It might be the most depressing date night we ever have – but going out for some tea afterwards to debrief on life is something to look forward to. 

I’ll update the blog after that appointment. Lots of love, Jen and Nev x