Popping on for one last pre Nev blog! My bags are packed, my alarm is set for 5am to eat my last meal whilst I’m not nil by mouth and I’ve had an EVERYTHING bath in preparation for the big GA. I have been told I can go in a little bit later today instead of the usual 7am slot, so my plans are for a lovely little school run this morning to keep things normal for the babies and then to head up to Salford Royal with Oll shortly after. He has to drop me at the door and go. Which seems a bit mean, but the rules are the rules I guess and he can come and see me later on today when this is all over. I can’t wait for that moment. Today will be tough for him and the rest of my family and friends probably more so than me. There will be a lot of waiting around for that phone call to say I’m out and it’s done which is likely to be late tonight. So his plans are to stay distracted today in Manchester with friends. That way he’s close to the hospital when he needs to be. Honestly this man is just incredible. The strength, resilience and love he has shown me throughout all of this shows how lucky I am to have chosen him to be by my side through life. He truly meant those vows when we said them 8 years ago as we stood – two tiny little 22 year olds, young and in love with a baby on the way. I am blessed to be walking this journey of life with you Oll, and I love and appreciate you forever. 

I wrote in another blog about wanting to write individual letters to everyone incase I don’t make it out of surgery in the same state I went in. Or don’t make it out at all. But something in me is stopping me. So I’m following that feeling. Maybe it’s my ever growing schedule and lack of actual time to do it. Or maybe it’s just this feeling that actually I’m not done here, so why do them? Like it’s some sort of bad omen if I do write goodbye letters. Because this isn’t goodbye. Instead of this diagnosis making me fall apart, that this journey is actually going to make things fall TOGETHER. Thats what my body is telling me. And so I’m listening. 

So I’ve not written them! Mainly because I find it way too difficult and I don’t want to spend my pre surgery time in floods of tears. So don’t go searching for them if I do anything dramatic in hospital because they don’t exist. Just know that if something doesn’t go to plan today and I don’t make it – that I love you all so very much. And I’m sorry I had to bow out so soon, without much notice. My dear family, you have and always will be the entire reason for my existence and I hope I’ve made you proud throughout my life. Know that I went feeling peaceful and at rest with this journey and feeling so much love around me. I have lived a fulfilled life and I want you to continue to do the same without me. I have a lifetime of gorgeous, happy childhood memories growing up with my parents and siblings and then was even lucky enough to create this for my own little family. And I’ve had the BEST time doing it. No regrets, no big life goals left to achieve in my books. I am fulfilled. And I am happy. I am not suffering or in any pain. Now take care of those little babies for me. Keep my memory alive as much as you can for them and tell them I love them every single day. But please move on in equal measure. Every single one of you has my blessing to do so. Life, love and adventure MUST continue without me in it. I love you all with every single fibre of my being and I truly hope you know that. 

That’s just me being dramatic anyway remember? I’ll be discharged soon and trundle home ready to be waited on hand and foot like the brain damaged little princess I am 😂 

Oll and I are both receiving hundreds if not thousands of messages right now. I want to quickly say that we appreciate every single one. It’s not possible for us to reply to them all, but trust me – we are feeling the love and the strength coming through from them.  I’m hoping I’ve at least ‘hearted’ everyone’s message 😂❤️ No doubt I have missed some gorgeous ones. But thank you – for everything. Having you all here through this provides us all with so much positivity and strength to continue navigating this path ahead. 

I lay here at 2:47am ready to post this feeling calm, ready and with little tiny butterflies in my tummy. They are of excitement of the new beginnings today holds for me. There is no fear, no sadness and no pain. At all. I have everything I need within me, to guide me through this. 

See you on the other side everyone! 

Lots of love, Jen and Nev 🧠👁️⚡️