Since I opened my eyes in recovery and was blessed with seeing my little toes wiggling, remembering everything and being able to walk and talk. I think I’ve underestimated what it takes when recovering. Because I’m finding this recovery HARD. I don’t want to start with making things up now, when I’ve been so brutally honest so far.  But this recovery is a BITCH honestly. The first and most profound thing I think is just my lack of independence. I have been creating plans and things to do during my recovery – things that I can loook forward to, but aren’t too taxing on the mind or body. Then along comes my husband – who is mr ‘I will just cancel everything’. I absolutely understand and appreciate that this is coming from a place of love but WOW is it irritating me 😂 He wants me to rest and I get that. But does he not remember who I am? That stubborn woman that he married? Who doesn’t take kindly to this sort of thing?! I think he’s forgotten! So that’s hard, because I want things to look forward to during this period of being stuck inside forever and he wants me to do sweet NOTHING for a full 6-8 weeks which just won’t happen. That’s not me. I’d have gone clinically insane by then! 

 So it’s tricky. I won’t lie. Finding the stirs really hard too which is VERY annoying. When they asked me in hospital if I have stairs at home – it was never something I considered that I’d struggle with! I’ve been running up and down them for years with no issue. Why would I struggle with them now?! But let me tell you – your legs going weak and wobbly when you’re half way up the stairs as you slip back down is SCARY. Oll pulled me up the rest of the way and I just lay on the landing (my pulse RACING) when I made it to the top. I scared Oll, I scared willow and I scared myself. It was rubbish. I was so weak. It had taken everything out of me just to reach the top safely! This wasn’t normal! This wasn’t how I usually am! Why am I struggling so much?! So I’ve let the hospital know these things are happening and we’ll see what they advise. It’s just annoying when I actually feel so fine but my body is clearly struggling somewhere with the trauma of what has just happened to it! I even ended up in GP OOH the other day getting more pain relief because I couldn’t cut it on paracetamol and codiene – another very unlike me thing to do! But some oramorph and 8 hours sleep later – it did the trick I guess 😂 

I think what I’m trying to say is just asking for help is hard and admitting this isn’t easy. I mean I’ve got my mum and sister coming round to wash my hair today because I couldn’t even manage that on my own yesterday! How ridiculous!!!!!! I am so thankful to everyone helping and chipping in – I just hate that I need it – thats all 😩 

So here’s to some more rest and hopefully getting stronger each day. Because I can’t go on like this it’s awful 😩 I’m trying to be a strong independent woman over here! But I feel like I need full time carers instead 🫠🫠🫠 

Good luck to my squeamish sister today washing my hair with these stitches poking out too 😂 let’s see how that one goes 😆😆😆 

Lots of love, Jen and (much less) Nev 🧠👁️⚡️ x