Three weeks post surgery today!!!!

This week has been great for me so far – I feel much more back to my usual self. I can feel my body is getting stronger each day, my fatigue is lessening and I can run up and down those stairs like nobodies business! They’re no match for this gal anymore!!!! And mine are STEEP 😂 also I’ve had no medical appointments so far which is VERY nice. I’ve had 18363739 letters from Salford royal and the Christie though. I literally dread the post these days. Every single one of them says NHS on it – so I just know I don’t want to open it. I’d rather it be a bill at this point! Even a speeding fine (not that I am allowed to drive my car). But no clinic appointments so far which is a welcome break for sure! I feel like this might be why my mood is lifting. Hospital appointments are always really hard as you’re forced to be reminded of what is going on and what the next year holds in terms of scary treatment! And doctors are very good at being quite abrupt aren’t they! Obviously they have to be – I understand that. And I’d rather them be honest and to the point. It’s just hard to hear time and time again, that’s all. 

I’ve decided to make a change in my medication aswell which will hopefully further improve the way I’m feeling. The anti-seizure medication I’m on is quite notorious for affecting your mood, making you feel low and agitated etc. so we’re going to try a different anti-seizure medication. I will be on these for life so I need to find ones that work for me and that I can tolerate at least. I pick the new ones up this afternoon and I’m strangely excited to be a big independent girl and walk to the pharmacy ON MY VERY OWN 😂 to get them. I’m going to listen to something special on the way there/way back – a 10 min walking meditation. And I’m really looking forward to it! To 10 mins peace in my own – doing something for ME. Some self care. Which besides washing my hair every day for two weeks, has gone out of the window for me recently. I’ve been concentrating so hard on trying not to drop the ball as a mum as I feel so overwhelmed with the ‘mummy’, ‘mummy’, ‘mummy’. It always was overwhelming, but especially now. I’m noticing my patience is absolutely NOT the same as it was  and I’m just a bit less … present let’s say. I’m late for EVERYTHING and just not on the ball. So I’ve been trying to make sure as a mum, I’m still hitting all the essential things that my babies need. And it’s HARD. I’m doing less school runs than ever which gives me huge guilt. I even forgot to feed Willow her tea the other day when we were at a Halloween party! I fed myself and Chester. But willow was occupied playing a Halloween game at the time and my brain just didn’t think to round her up and get her a plate. WHAT ON EARTH. So obviously I felt awful about that. Worst mother ever award! I did regain some mum points on the way home by stopping at the shops to feed her. And she was OVER THE MOON at the prospect of a co-op meal deal! So that won her over. But what the heck?! I never would have done that before! How did I feed one baby and not the other! How did I feed myself before her?!?! Craziness. So allllllll the mum guilt is coming my way right now. 

The mum guilt was a big theme when I met with my completely gorgeous and incredible life and mindset coach Carol-Ann on Tuesday! I’m posh now and need a life and mindset coach, you see. To survive this crazy life. After my first women’s circle which you might have read about – I felt such a huge connection to her and had such a profound awakening experience that I just KNEW our paths had crossed for a reason and that I needed to continue this feeling that I just couldn’t shake, to help me through the journey I walk on. We did some meditation, reiki and sound healing together. Over and over again I couldn’t shake this mum guilt. It kept popping into my head.  I’ll continue to work on this myself and hope we can shake it soon. But what I did shake was this absolutely crap feeling I’ve had for over a week. This low, negative, agitated feeling. I walked out of there feeling amazing – so much more positive and prepared for this journey than when I went in. It was a really powerful session and I’m so excited to continue working with her. What a special woman, seriously! 🧘 Take a look at the pics at the end of the blog to show you the gorgeous time I had. I didn’t even fall asleep and start dribbling this time which is good because it’s a bit harder to hide in a private session than at a full womens circle isn’t it 😂

In other big news this week, willow has made me dye her hair purple and has gone to her first concert. A Joe McElderry meet and greet concert in Lytham with her nana. They stayed over in a hotel, went up Blackpool tower and she wore her fancy sequin dress. A big girl if there ever was one ❤️❤️❤️

In the world of Chester, he’s going through that really convenient phase where he wants to do everything by himself and gets really cross if he can’t do it. So I’ve been in real trouble this week for helping him put his shoes on, picking out his clothes and cutting up his jam on toast 😂🫠 

MUM LIFE. 

I have a telephone appointment with the Christie today to confirm my choice of treatment moving forward. The rest of the day I’m spending helping my little bro prepare for his interview tomorrow for a full time fire fighter position. So a nice, normal day with my nice little meditation walk to the pharmacy in between. And intertwined with some judginess from said little bro about how close my candles are to a ‘dry plant’ and questions about where my smoke alarms are 😂😂😂

Willow has just arrived home from her concert extravaganza ❤️ she’s spent every last penny of the spends I sent her with and was very pleased that she managed to sneak into the concert despite not being quite 8 years old as was recommended by the venue! Bless her. My mum said she’s been really good for her – excuse me why isn’t she listening to ME then recently?! For love nor money 😂

Also just to blow my own trumpet about how amazing my friends are – I’ve been instructed to keep the 27th and 28th Nov free (or at least make my radiotherapy appointments convenient on those days) because a spa with an overnight stay has been booked! And get this – the spa specialises in treatments for people undergoing radio and chemo 🥲🥲🥲 so I don’t even need to miss out! HOW AMAZING IS THIS. I didn’t even know that existed! I can’t wait! Thank you so much girls, I wouldn’t know what to do without you ❤️ 

I’ve also felt super looked after in terms of the radiotherapy which should start next month. As it turns out – I used to go to school with one of the girls who does the radio at the Christie! How incredible is that. A friendly face will be amazing in my treatment if I’m lucky enough to see her. But she’s been amazing with all my questions at all hours of the day! I feel so much better about it now that I know what the machine looks like and a bit more about what to expect after she went through it all with me ❤️ such incredible people everywhere I turn in life at the moment and I’m so grateful. 

So a much better week already this week. LONG may it continue – I’ll make sure it does this time. A big reduction in my medication aswell this week which feels amazing. I’ve taken no pain relief for the first time today and I feel fine – so just the anti seizure meds which makes a change from the 20 tablets per day I’ve been on over the past few weeks 😂

Specsavers have been back in touch aswell and have drafted a press release to post on social media so you can look out for that one! If I continue to raise awareness of the importance of regular eye tests then at least that’s one purpose that I have when everything else has been taken away. And at least I’ll then bring something positive out of this situation! Tag me in it if you see it posted anywhere! 

Lots of love from Jen and Nev 🧠👁️⚡️