Since feeling anxious about coming home from Blackpool and facing this crazy life again, I felt like I needed some help. I called my GP and we started me on some antidepressants. I want to be honest on this blog. And although people probably don’t need to know that – that’s pretty much just the way I roll and the way I want this blog and my social media in general to be. I want it to be authentic, and show both the highs (if I find any) and the lows. I’m hoping it will only be short term that I’m on them, but I’ll see how I go. To be honest I think it’s totally normal to be struggling mentally after what has happened over the past two months! And although there’s stigma attached to taking antidepressants – I’m proud that I’ve noticed I’m struggling and taken a step to do something about it. I’ve started some counselling too with the brain tumour charity, so something should work in lifting my spirits a bit. I don’t feel TOO bad, just not my usual self and I’d rather be on top of how I’m feeling and asking for help than ignore it and let it get worse. So I’ve added another tablet to the concoction 😂 let’s hope it works some magic. 

We had a lovely last few days in Blackpool although I was super tired when I got home. I even needed to ring my mum to come round and help with jobs when I got back because Oll was still away working 🙃. Then I’ve had a nice week at home! Me and Oll celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary on Tuesday. I even put some makeup on and we went out for tea 😂💁🏻‍♀️ and I’ve had a few restful days of listening to my body. We also had a lovely parents evening for both babies – thank god they’re behaving themselves at school and it’s just us that they’re playing up for! They both wanted some blue tack as their well done gift which was hilarious 😂 why are kids obsessed with blue tack?! 

Then I had an appointment at the Christie on Thursday for an MRI to help plan my radiotherapy. So my mum drove me the 45 mins there. I turn up to the reception and my appointment was for Wednesday! ARE YOU KIDDING ME, NEV! I’m 24 hours late! Luckily they squashed me in after me and mum went for a coffee to kill some time. Mum has made me promise I’ll send her all my appointments now so that she can organise me because I’m actually a nightmare! My timekeeping has gone completely out of the window since surgery – I’m at least an hour late to everything and I’m just an unorganised mess who can’t concentrate on anything 😂. I hope this is temporary because it’s V annoying and inconvenient! We shall see… Anyway the MRI was fine – dare I say my favourite MRI so far! I got in the machine and decided I would try and meditate through this one to see if it made it any easier. I can’t choose the music in there so it was quite hard but I got in the zone quite quickly and honestly, it felt like I was only in there for five minutes even though it is usually about 40! Time flew for some reason! So I think I’ve unlocked the secret there! 

I’ve also swanned off this weekend too – who do I think I am?! Two weekends in a row! This time with my sister which was lovely. Some quality time with her was amazing. We stayed in a pod down south near a forest (Cotswolds way) – it was like a miniature centre parcs kind of vibe! When we got there on the first night, we tried out the restaurant and then went back to the pod to play some cards, scrabble and eat some sweets before getting an early night. We both LOVE an early night and wanted to take advantage of having no kids and being able to sleep whenever we wanted 😂. The next day we drove out to Puzzlewood which is basically this BEAUTIFUL forest nearby with bridges and tracks through it. But none of the trails are signposted. So once you’re in there – it’s like a giant maze and you don’t know your way out. One couple had been walking for four hours and were totally lost 😂. We took it easy so that I didn’t end up completely overdoing it, so we didn’t venture too deep into the woods but we had a nice hour long walk getting lost and finding dead ends before escaping to the gift shop to look for some tat to buy the kids. After our walk we treated ourselves to some lunch in a nearby town and then a middle of the day NAP! I mean, I’ve been having those on the regs recently – but not my sister! She has two babies aswell, and luckily isn’t recovering from any major surgery so they’re pretty unheard of for her! So it was a treat! We had a dip in the jacuzzi after that (with regular breaks so that I didn’t overheat as per instruction from my big sis). And had a swim in the pool too, then headed for a quick tea in the restaurant onsite before the main event – BINGO. We had seen bingo was on when we first arrived and knew we HAD to get involved – we love anything like that 😂 so we got a page and a dabber each and got to work. It was so much fun – we didn’t win but it was hilarious to see everyone else trying to keep their kids quiet whilst we didn’t have ours with us 😂. After bingo was karaoke – we contemplated it for a second but then another night in the pod playing cards and scrabble called us in. So off we went for a cosy night in instead. 

We got back today and resumed the real life of two kids each – but we had a lovely break away, it was much needed and so lovely to spend quality time with my sister who is always my absolute rock through everything. It was a lovely place and hopefully we will be back with the kids one day for a less relaxing trip! 

Another busy week ahead which is good – I’ve found that when I don’t have plans is when I start to feel funny. I’m not good in my own company – I start to overthink. But when  occupied I’m fine. So small plans are the way forward I think. This week im taking Willow ice skating, watching Elf at the theatre in Manchester, and have a breakfast and lunch date with friends. So loads to look forward to and focus on! I will have an appointment at the Christie somewhere in between all of that too but not sure when yet as it was initially organised for when I will be at elf. But they don’t want me to have to cancel the theatre 😍 so they’re rearranging for me. 

Have a lovely week everyone! 

Loads of love Jen and Nev 🧠👁️⚡️