106 days and I’ve still got things to say 😂. Well considering day 100 was NOT cool, I’ve felt good since then! I woke up the next day and basically just tried again. Wrote the bad day off as a one off. And I’ve managed to keep it up since which has been nice! 

I couldn’t imagine feeling negative like that everyday. It was so draining and just that feeling is horrible. I’m so glad that’s not the way I feel the majority of the time. Since diagnosis I’ve still been positive and happy on most days. I’m so thankful for that, that’s the way I’ve been dealing with it because I couldn’t imagine feeling negative everyday but it would be so easy to fall into that cycle. Luckily that’s just not me! People sometimes ask how I’m staying so positive or tell me I’m amazing for the way I’m dealing with this. It doesn’t feel that way. Yes I’m proud of myself. But I don’t necessarily think you get a choice – for me this is just life now for the next however long. I can either fall into the negative trap and have an awful time, or keep my chin up and look ahead with positivity, possibility and hope. Luckily, the latter comes naturally to me on most days. I won’t lie, there’s crap days and I’ll always be open and honest about them. But still enjoying my life is super important. I still have so much to be thankful for and to enjoy in my life, even with all of this going on ❤️

So my plan always is to just continue with normal life as much as I can around the weird things I now have to do like radiotherapy each day and the amount of tablets I have to take! Some days it’s effortless and some days it’s really hard. But we’re taking the rough with the smooth here. So this is why I like to fill my weeks full of things to look forward to – this helps me so much to get through each day. If I have a day where I have no plans – this is when I feel the worst. So busy and distracted I shall be! 

Saying that, I’ve had a super busy week and weekend and I think I might have done TOO much 😂 (can’t find the balance can I HAHA). By last night I was so tired after a crazy week – and then I couldn’t sleep 🙃 – very annoying. The Friday feeling that I spoke about having in the last blog is so nice as I look forward to a weekend of no radio. But then that comes with the Sunday dread of another full week of it. So maybe that explains the no sleep.  But even though there’s 5 days of radio ahead, there’s also a lot to look forward to this week and to be grateful for. So I decided in the middle of the night to focus on those things instead. I wrote them down, and then wrote this blog. And felt better for it after. So got some more sleep. 

Now I’ve got one baby in our bed (6am), asking me what the elves have done and telling me his eyes can’t close so he can’t possibly get some more sleep and get up at 7 instead 🙃. He said he thinks the elves have made a castle out of pineapple today and that he needs to add a guitar to his Christmas list 😂. If only he knew the reality of it and that I woke up in hot sweats at 5am and frantically woke Oll up to check that he’d done something with the elves because I’d forgotten 😂. I definitely wasn’t building anything out of pineapple 🫠. And you can’t add things to your Xmas list at this point Chester! Have you not heard the rules?! 

My list of things to be grateful for and look forward to this week is for Chester’s nativity, seeing my sister this morning, more friends throughout the week and then this weekend me and Oll go to London to watch Stranger things in the theatre! So there’s still a lot of happiness going on each day around my radio apts which is what I need to focus on. I also reach the half way mark on Tuesday – that will be 15 treatments done, and half way to ringing that bell! In my quiet times I need to focus on keeping my mind busy whilst still doing something restful. Maybe I’ll start a new series that I enjoy, or start a jigsaw. I bloody love a jigsaw 🧩 😂. Then my mind is busy but my body can still rest. We were supposed to be at Alton Towers doing the Santa sleepover but we’ve had to cancel so that Oll can go to Madrid for work. But equally I’m quite glad because it would have been another mental week and at least this gives me a few days free to chill a bit more. Also the Willow saga continues, so I’ve told her we don’t get to do anything special like that when we’re not listening to mummy or daddy. I actually told her she couldn’t come to Disney on Ice this weekend too and I stuck to it 😂 I did feel bad as she would have LOVED it. But I’m doomed when she’s a teenager if I don’t crack this behaviour now! 

So thats this weeks plan of action – focus on the things I have to look forward to and try and rest in my down time a little bit more than usual. Let’s see how it goes 😂

Love Jen and Nev 🧠👁️⚡️