I’ve got a two day break of radio now for Xmas and Boxing Day! That feels so nice but I can’t help but not feel Christmassy AT ALL. This year is obviously super different to any other Christmas I’ve had and it’s not what I anticipated for this year! So spending this morning at the Christie wasn’t exactly a Christmas vibe 😂 

We’ve done NOTHING Christmassy today whatsoever and I’m not remotely prepared for tomorrow. Chester is even still in his pyjamas and I’m back in mine post radio! Oll is going to take the babies out soon for a few hours so that I can have a rest but I just HATE that I need that. I should be spending time with them making Christmas memories instead! 

Right, I decided to stop moaning and get up and make some Christmas biscuits with the babes to make myself feel better. It reminded me that ACTUALLY baking with kids is stressful AF and as long as we’re together – it doesn’t matter what we do. And even if this Xmas Eve, Oll is taking them out for a bit so that I can rest – this is only THIS Christmas. The next one will be normal. So I just need to focus on that I think. 

Oh I shaved my hair off aswell didn’t I since the last blog! Well, Willow did it for me 😂. Maybe that’s why this Xmas is weird too. I look in the mirror and literally have no idea who it is. I cannot get used to it AT ALL and there’s not many places I feel comfortable enough to rock the baldness. Sometimes I force myself to go out without a hat/scarf/headband and just embrace it – but I definitely don’t feel comfortable when I do it. I know I shouldn’t give a shit, but when you feel like everyone is staring at you it’s just not nice. I really hope I get used to it because I can’t be arsed feeling like this for much longer! It’s so weird because those of you who know me well, know I’ve never cared about stuff like that! Never felt the need to wear makeup everyday or be anyone but myself. But now, there’s no way I’d go out without makeup with this bald head. Because having makeup on makes me feel a tiny bit better and I’ll take that tiny bit right now! 

The biscuits are out of the oven now – we will make them into snowmen later.  The babes are off out with Oll. It’s taken both me and my friend to look after the babies until 3 today to give Oll time to do some work. But I’ve tapped out now, and he’s tapped in. So it’s time for a little nap and to tell myself that this is the last Xmas Eve I’ll spend feeling like this (then I need to finish wrapping and prepping for tomorrow). My next Christmas will be a normal one and this will all be in the past. I might even have grown some hair back 😂. 

Chester has just come running up the stairs asking me to do airplanes with him. (The thing where you balance them on your feet in the air as you lay down. IYKYK). It made me feel so much better to have a little giggle with him when he decided he didn’t want to be an aeroplane, he actually wanted to be a … poo. Great. How festive 🤣

I love Christmas SO much and can’t wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better – I won’t have radio and I’ll get to wake up and watch the babies open their presents and spend the rest of the day with my family ❤️. Had this not have happened, I might have been working tomorrow and missed part of Christmas Day with them. So I’m going to remind myself of everything I have to be thankful for this Christmas. Which is still ALOT. My mood needs shifting a gear right now – so I’ll work on that instead of feeling sorry for myself. Because what’s even the point in wallowing. It doesn’t help. And I’ll promise myself to embrace the baldy a bit more. Because she’s the new version of me for a while. And that’s okay – I’m proud to have done it and to have got this far. So it’s about time I showed it. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! 

Lots of love, Jen and Nev 👁️🧠⚡️